If you’re looking for a guy to commit to you, there are certain do’s and don’ts that you should be aware of. Some are blatantly obvious, and others, not so much. So here are 8 things that could make him think twice about committing – and may even cause him to run for the hills!
You go too fast! – This is probably the number one reason that relationships fail in the first few months. You have to maintain self-control, even if your natural instinct is to profess your love for him, start discussing marriage, and your life together as a family. This is way too much for him to process this early in the relationship.
Even if he is giving you signs that he is ready for a deeper commitment, it would be a mistake to act on that and take it up a notch. If he starts getting serious, be pleasant, but not enthusiastic (even though you really want to go ahead full speed). You are looking for a happy medium between cold and uncaring, and being too eager.
You give it all away. Now, we aren’t just taking about sex here (but that is a biggy). You go full speed ahead, tell him all your secrets, talk about every intimate detail of your life – in short, you are not holding anything back. You give him everything he wants, agree with what he says (even to the point of not voicing your own opinion), and you have a hard time saying no.
Guys like a challenge and maintaining a little mystery is going to work in your favor. It’s human nature to assign more value to something that is not as easy to obtain, or is more elusive.
When it comes to sex, it’s always a good idea to hold back until he shows signs he is serious. If you don’t, he may start taking you for granted. Though good times and sex are exactly what he wants right now (and he loves you for providing it), it is only temporary. Eventually, his standards could be higher – especially if he’s looking for a wife and the mother of his children.
You have a wall up - On the other end of the scale is the woman who simply cannot open up and let someone in. For various reasons, she may have this built in defense mechanism that simply prevents her from getting close to the new man in her life. Maybe you can get away with this in the beginning, but eventually he is going to want to feel closer to you – and this is not going to happen if you cannot open up a little. Note that this is the exact opposite to the problem above. The key is a happy medium.
You get jealous – Jealousy is like poison to a relationship and if you start getting jealous, you can pretty well count the days until he says it’s over. Often, jealousy is just a symptom of your own low self-esteem. Try to work on these issues and you’ll notice that the jealousy is going to subside as you start believing in your own self-worth.
You try to control his life – For some people, controlling the situation is a natural instinct and something they feel they must do. However, trying to control someone almost always backfires. In the beginning of a relationship, if he senses that you are being controlling and manipulating, he may pull the plug on the whole thing without warning.
You neglect your appearance – So you’ve gotten to know each other well and you feel completely at ease, but that doesn’t mean that you should neglect your appearance. Though it sounds completely superficial, you should try to maintain appearances. This goes for men too. Sometimes it’s just too early in the relationship to start letting things go.
You get too comfortable – similar to the above, but with a difference. There are certain things you may always want to keep to yourself. I won’t get into the gruesome details, but suffice it to say, it may not be time to let him see your more personal side. Certain bodily functions and routines should be kept under wraps, if you know what I mean. You are also going to have to make sure the washroom is spotless if you know he’s coming over. Again, this works the same for men. I know, I know, we all do it – but the point is that, early in the relationship, it may be a little too much reality.
You lie to him – It doesn’t really matter what the lie is about, the fact is, if he catches you in a lie, he won’t trust you. He needs to be able to rely on you before the relationship goes to the next level.
If you can’t understand why your man is not committing, then you may want to look at some of the points mentioned above. However, the situation could be completely out of your control. He may not be the type to commit to anyone at all. If you feel that this is the case, then you have some tough decisions to make. You can’t force him to make a commitment.
It may be that you are just not compatible and you both want different things. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s better that it comes out now in the beginning than to discover it down the road when you have much more invested into the relationship.